My three siblings and I lived with my parents and my maternal grandmother. I could not remember much about religion before the age of eleven. I vaguely remembered that there were a few statues in my house, probably things my grandmother used to worship, like Buddha, and the Kitchen God. I remember one day, my mother’s friend took all of us to Chen Li Church at Guillemard Road. It was a Cantonese-speaking church. I had no idea why I was in church, and what I was there for, but I remembered that we sang some Cantonese songs and I just followed what the rest in the church were doing, not knowing why I was doing what I was doing.
Subsequently, my grandmother met one of her friends from Muar, Lye Hong Meng, who was the founder of Church of Christ (Geylang) at that time. I remember the church to be located at No. 4, Lorong 22, Geylang Road. Brother Lye came over to our house to speak with my grandmother. I remember after one meeting, both my grandmother and him started taking down all the statues from our house and throwing them away. I wasn’t sure what he had said to her or how he had convinced her, but from that day onwards, we attended GCOC every Sunday.
Every Sunday, I would attend two sessions – the English worship in the morning, followed by the Mandarin worship (I accompanied my grandmother), led by Brother Charlie Ng. After a few weeks with church, my siblings and I moved on to go for mid-week bible study followed by supper afterwards. We went for gospel rallies and handed out tracts to people in our neighbourhood. Even though I attended church regularly, I treated it as a routine. I got baptised at the age of twelve at Katong Park. I was too young to remember why I had made the decision to get baptised or what had happened at my baptism. After baptism, I continued attending church and went for Bible classes. I enjoyed my time at church, but I wasn’t very much into my personal relationship with God. I believed in God and attended church regularly but I still had my doubts and fears. I did not see many changes in myself. I did not pray or read the Bible regularly at home – I only did so in church.
Growing up, I found a job after I had left school. I still attended church regularly. However, I felt guilty sometimes as I felt I was not living the perfect Christian life, the life which was of God’s standard. I did not dare tell others that I was Christian, I was afraid that I was not leading the perfect Christian life, or when others ask me questions about the Bible I would not be able to answer. One day, my boss instructed me to help him buy TOTO. At the counter, I felt embarrassed and hoped that no one would recognise me queuing up to buy TOTO. After a while I had a realisation: Why was I scared that other people would recognise and judge me when I am not even guilty that God was watching me from above?
After marriage, I still went to church regularly and I hardly missed a service on Sunday except when I was sick. I would feel guilty if I did not go as I do get recharged and encouraged after service every Sunday, but after Sunday I am back to my normal routines at home and at work.
Even though I was baptised, I was unsure if I would go to Heaven after this life. However, six years ago, I attended BSF - Sharon Chan had recommended it to me and encouraged me to attend it. After attending the class for three years, I could feel that my spiritual life was slowly growing. I became more aware of God’s presence. I felt that I needed to do something to improve my spiritual life.
God has been good to me and my family all these years. Despite my disobedience, He had never given up on me. I am blessed with a caring husband and two lovely daughters. I am trying to live the life that pleases Him. It is not easy but I know the Holy Spirit will guide me along. My prayer life has improved – something which I had not done in my younger days.
Due to lack of time to complete the homework, I stopped BSF. I do my own regular bible study and have my quiet time with God. Currently I am attending a bible class conducted by my ex-colleague at her home. Through my reading, I learn to put all my trust in God and His Word began to allay my fears. I became a more confident Christian and treasured my personal relationship with God. I was also, from time to time, reminded and encouraged by my mother, whom I remember, used to kneel every morning in her room to pray. No doubt there are still times that I am discouraged now, or even want to ask God why things happen the way they do, but I continue to put my faith in Him.
I know that He is there to watch my every need and to hear my prayers. My faith has been strengthened time and again after I had witnessed His miraculous deeds and how He transforms people’s lives. Truly, whatever is written in the Bible is becoming real to me. Indeed Jesus is the great I AM, my Lord and Saviour. I will continue to put my faith in Him and await His coming.